who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
