I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
