To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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