my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
