A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
