Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
