Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
