when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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