I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
