Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize