Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
