batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
