i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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