Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
