where does the pee come out of this thing
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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