im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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