Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
