Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
tell me about the eggs
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