Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
