If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
