I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
