i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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