He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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