she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
