3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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