The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
