tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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