So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
