Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
