You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
