I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Operation Purity has been aborted
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
