Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
