Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
