R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
