He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
