i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize