Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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