was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
