Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
