the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
