Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize