just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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