He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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