so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
