Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
