so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
