Please, let me fuck your mom
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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