She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Randomize
