I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
