Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
