your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
