I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
