the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
