The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
