Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
