im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
