today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We are all done wearing pants today
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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