just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
