they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
