eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize