I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
