your parents love me but you hate me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
