Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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