I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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