I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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