I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
