Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
