she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
