Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
