So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize