Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
