Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
