why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
