there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
